Divorce is a very hurting procedure and nobody should get through it alone. I need help with my divorce Find a community of support. “I don’t mean a self-help group. Rather, find 1 or 2 friends who you can talk to about your feelings, and who will check in on you. DO NOT talk to married people. They won’t understand what you’re going through and will unintentionally make you feel worse. Also, stay away from judgmental people. Formerly divorced friends were my best supporters during this time.”
It will help if you try to keep things as normal as possible in your life. Do not skip meals or change sleeping habits. Positive routines like using your to-do list and calendar will help you keep focus. Exercise is always a great way to relieve stress. Try not to isolate yourself from your friends. Try to maintain a positive outlook and do not let yourself be lured into needless conflicts with your spouse. You will need his signature on a settlement agreement before your divorce is over. You will still be parents together for years after the divorce. Take it one day at a time. Focus on the present and not the past. Try to control only those things within your control. Many things in a divorce are outside of your control but you cannot blow those things out of proportion. Make a plan and work on it. That is how you will take control of your divorce and not let it take control of you.
The best advice for divorcing parents I’ve received and share with my clients is: Be sure that you love your kids more than you may hate your ex! Otherwise, you will make decisions based on anger, resentment, revenge, hurt, or retaliation. And that ultimately affects the well-being of your children. Kids love both parents and are hurt, confused and torn when parents ask them to take sides, become confidants, messengers, or spies. What I learned is that children not put in this position do better during and after the divorce. They are not exposed to parental conflict and they adapt better to post-divorce life. The advice I have for all divorcing parents is to be a role model for your children. Show them how to cope with challenges and adversity with dignity, maturity, and integrity. Teach them to pick their battles and learn to let go of anger and resentment. Your kids will thank you in the long run.
Mediation also provides divorcing couples a lot of flexibility, in terms of making their own decisions about what works best for their family, compared with the traditional adversarial legal process, which involves a court trial where a judge makes all the decisions. Mediation, however, is not appropriate for all couples. For example, if one spouse is hiding assets or income, and refuses to come clean, you may have to head to court where a judge can order your spouse to comply. Or, if one spouse is unwilling to compromise, mediation probably won’t work.
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