Divorce is a very hard situation and nobody should get through it alone. Help my divorce You know that thing that you found shocking? The line your spouse crossed? That act of betrayal that you and everyone you know is shocked and appalled by? The court doesn’t care. Short of provable acts of abuse or addiction they don’t give a shit. Ultimately, the court is there to divvy up property not mete out vengeance. You’re never going to have that Perry Mason moment where your ex gets on the stand and has to admit to his or her douchebaggery. They just want to figure out who’s getting the couch and where the kids go on Christmas.
If you have debt in your name, like credit cards or student loans, you will want to pay those debts down as much as possible before a divorce. Most American families spend close to their entire income, if not more, and when one household becomes two, there is often not enough money to pay the both sets of expenses unless something changes. You may have to cut down disposable purchases, sell your car and get a less expensive model, or maybe sell the house. If your spouse does not voluntarily support you and the children, your remedy is to ask the Court to order support. You will not have a good prediction of any of this and you will not know the answers for sure until the agreement is signed or the judge makes a ruling. But, the point is to think about it and identify problems and possible solutions. Then take the actions that you can take and avoid missteps.
People who treat their divorce like a business transaction, and to the extent possible, control their emotions so their decisions are based on their best interests and not their hurt feelings, fare much better. For instance, some people might argue endlessly over values of certain assets, when in reality, if they just compromised they would save in attorney’s fees and time. Sometimes people do prioritize what is most important and spend time and energy arguing over assets that might not have a significant value while ignoring the more valuable parts of the marital estate. Sometimes people get hung up over how something is characterized — for example, they might agree to a one-time cash payment to their spouse but balk if that same payment is labeled “attorney’s fees.” Taking a step back, looking at the big picture, and understanding the cost of fighting as well as potential risks and rewards will serve anyone well during a divorce.
The biggest mistake divorcing spouses can make is being in the dark about finances. If your spouse has always handled all of the financial decisions in your household and you don’t have any information about you and your spouse’s income and assets, your spouse will have an unfair advantage over you when it comes time to settle the financial issues in your divorce. If you suspect your spouse is planning a divorce, get as much information as you can now. Make copies of important financial records such as account statements (eg., savings, brokerage, and retirement) and all other data that relates to your marital lifestyle (eg., checking accounts, charge card statements, tax returns).
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